I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict

• DOI: 10.7717/peerj.4831
• Publication Date: 2018-05-18T03:43:53Z
• Authors: Shane L. Rogers; Jill Howieson; Casey Neame
• Keywords: Hypothetical scenariosI-statements; 121; QH301-705.5; 05 social sciences; R; Psychiatry and Psychology; 16. Peace & justice; I-statements; Factorial ANOVA; Communicating perspective; Rating statements; Interpersonal conflict; You-statements; Hostility; Defensiveness; Medicine; Legal Studies; 0501 psychology and cognitive sciences; Biology (General); Perspective taking

Using hypothetical scenarios, we provided participants with potential opening statements to a conflict discussion that varied on I/you language and communicated perspective. Participants rated the likelihood that the recipient of the statement would react in a defensive manner. Using I-language and communicating perspective were both found to reduce perceptions of hostility. Statements that communicated both self- and other-perspective using I-language (e.g. ‘I understand why you might feel that way, but I feel this way, so I think the situation is unfair’) were rated as the best strategy to open a conflict discussion. Simple acts of initial language use can reduce the chances that conflict discussion will descend into a downward spiral of hostility.